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What should I do? My friend & I started to golf together about 2 years ago. We started as beginners and for ?
the first 10 or so outings, we each scored about 150 +/-. But like most anything else, with lots of practice we started to get better. I don't mean to brag, but once we started to improve I was really doing a lot better than my friend, consistently by about 15 shots a round. At the beginning of the second season, I was nearing breaking 100 for the 18 holes (by the way, the course we were playing out West was ranked one of the 25 most difficult public courses in the USA; and we played from the Ladies Championship tees). So, here's where golfing with my friend started to not be so much fun anymore. A typical scenario was I'd make a par on a Par 4, while she was playing at least her second shot out of the sandtrap having gotten there in 2 to begin with — and then add 2 puts = at least a 6 (Double Bogey). To be sensitive, I would ask what she had so I could fill out the score card. She would first say, "what did you have?" and I would reply a par (4). Then, to my shock, she would tell me that she then must have had a 3! Thinking she was kidding, I would ask again and get the "3" again as her answer. This started to become a steady habit. And what's even worse was that when we got together with friends, she would tell everyone that she beat me in golf. When I told my husband all of this, he said that the next time the four of us (my husband and I along with her and her husband) played together he would bet anything the husband would correct his wife. The husband was always a perfect gentleman and played by the rules. Well, throughout all 18 holes it became more and more evident she was not reporting accurate scores … but the husband did not say a word, except to praise her for beating me! I know at this point whoever is reading this is thinking why my husband didn't defend me?! Well, my husband said on the way home it wasn't worth getting into an argument over because he knew from playing golf with them now that they would never acknowledge their mistakes. In other words, they did not want to admit they were miscounting. My husband suggested not to play golf with her anymore because it was starting to affect my scoring (which is probably what they were hoping for) and the fun was gone. But he did try to console me by saying that my friend would NEVER get away with this during a tournament. Well, another guess what?! A month later she and her husband played in a couple's tournament in groups of 4. We followed them throughout the tournament, and my husband counted 10 holes where she visibly miscounted – BUT NO ONE SAID A WORD!!
I stopped playing with her and our friendship faded. Was I wrong to stop playing with her? Should I have confronted her? Or should I have worn blinders and just tried to concentrate on my own game? Before you answer, please remember I am only human here in the Wild West!
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In golf and in life you can cheat yourself only so much. At the end it will all add up. Like in your case, you have taken the decision to stop playing with your friend. My opinion, right choice. Almost all serious golfers hate cheaters, especially golfers who miscount. You did the right thing
If you want to continue the friendship, do the things together that you did before starting golf. Golf is a game of honor. If she is cheating and you continue to play with her and other people know it, they might think you are cheating as well, so I wouldn't play with her anymore.
I would be concerned though that if she would lie and cheat at golf she would do it about other things as well. I would have my doubts about what I could trust her with.
If you are the one marking the score simply write down the score that she made on the hole. If she should question the score simply go back over the hole and say well let's see .. you were in the bunker in two ..blasted onto the fringe.. chipped it past.. missed the putt… and I gave you the two footer.. that's six right? If you aren't making mistakes with the scoring she can't very well object can she? I think we've all played with people who've not been too good at keeping track of their shots. Sometimes they are honest mistakes so give her the benefit of the doubt and just keep her score for her or let her keep her own. I should add that perhaps when you keep asking for her score she might just think that you are rubbing her nose in it a bit and feels offended that you keep asking when you already know that she made a six. Don't make such a big deal of things but compliment her good up and down or good chip. Try to stay positive and maybe it'll rub off on her.
Your comment that your friendship has faded makes this a moot point. I think you did the right thing concerning the golf. Had you continued being friends I agree that a more forecful approach to recounting her shots on every hole, and a frank discussion with her that as a friend you had to let her know about her reputation of being liberal on accounting her strokes was getting her a cheater label. It is frustrating when ego gets in the way of character. But the good news is you are now a golfer and play with your husband and have a great game for life!! Lots of other foursomes out there to play with.
Good Luck.
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